Absalom Reconciled to David
Introduction:
David needs to be like the father in the parable of the prodigal son.
Describe the father in the parable of the prodigal son.
2 Samuel 14:21-33 NLT
Absalom Reconciled to David
21 So the king sent for Joab and told him, “All right, go and bring back the young man Absalom.”
22 Joab bowed with his face to the ground in deep respect and said, “At last I know that I have gained your approval, my lord the king, for you have granted me this request!”
23 Then Joab went to Geshur and brought Absalom back to Jerusalem. 24 But the king gave this order: “Absalom may go to his own house, but he must never come into my presence.” So Absalom did not see the king.
25 Now Absalom was praised as the most handsome man in all Israel. He was flawless from head to foot. 26 He cut his hair only once a year, and then only because it was so heavy. When he weighed it out, it came to five pounds! 27 He had three sons and one daughter. His daughter’s name was Tamar, and she was very beautiful.
28 Absalom lived in Jerusalem for two years, but he never got to see the king. 29 Then Absalom sent for Joab to ask him to intercede for him, but Joab refused to come. Absalom sent for him a second time, but again Joab refused to come. 30 So Absalom said to his servants, “Go and set fire to Joab’s barley field, the field next to mine.” So they set his field on fire, as Absalom had commanded.
31 Then Joab came to Absalom at his house and demanded, “Why did your servants set my field on fire?”
32 And Absalom replied, “Because I wanted you to ask the king why he brought me back from Geshur if he didn’t intend to see me. I might as well have stayed there. Let me see the king; if he finds me guilty of anything, then let him kill me.”
33 So Joab told the king what Absalom had said. Then at last David summoned Absalom, who came and bowed low before the king, and the king kissed him.
Examine the Scriptures
2 Samuel 14:21-33 NLT
Absalom Reconciled to David
21 So the king sent for Joab and told him, “All right, go and bring back the young man Absalom.”
There seems to be some reluctance on David’s part for full reconciliation.
(We will see some of this reluctance in verse 24).
22 Joab bowed with his face to the ground in deep respect and said, “At last I know that I have gained your approval, my lord the king, for you have granted me this request!”
- Joab was now given the opportunity to openly encourage reconciliation between David and Absalom.
- Joab may have seen Absalom as a strong potential successor to the throne. (This is speculation on my part.)
As commander of Israel’s army, it was to Joab’s advantage for the nation of Israel to remain strong.
23 Then Joab went to Geshur and brought Absalom back to Jerusalem.
2 Samuel 13:37-38 NLT
37 And David mourned many days for his son Amnon.
Absalom fled to his grandfather, Talmai son of Ammihud, the king of Geshur. 38 He stayed there in Geshur for three years.
Part one of Joab’s plan for reconciliation between David and Absalom.
24 But the king gave this order: “Absalom may go to his own house, but he must never come into my presence.”
This suggests that while David was moved to bring Absalom back, he was still unwilling to fully restore their relationship.
It reflects an unresolved tension—David’s love for his son and his role as king who must uphold justice for Amnon’s murder
- David’s forgiveness is incomplete.
There does not seem to be heartfelt forgiveness and restoration.
The situation remains unresolved.
So Absalom did not see the king.
- Absalom’s return without full reconciliation foreshadows the continued estrangement between father and son, which will later contribute to Absalom’s rebellion.
David’s forgiveness appears to be official but not personal.
25 Now Absalom was praised as the most handsome man in all Israel. He was flawless from head to foot.
- Absalom was praised as the most handsome man in all Israel. He was flawless from head to foot. (Physical characteristics seemed to be overly important to the people of Israel.)
His physical description suggests he was physically attractive and was an influential individual, which likely contributed to his later popularity in Israel.
Physical characteristics seemed to be overly important to the people of Israel.
Remember King Saul?
1 Samuel 9:2 NLT
2 His son Saul was the most handsome man in Israel—head and shoulders taller than anyone else in the land.
Saul was described as a valiant, courageous, and determined man.
These qualities didn’t keep Saul from being rejected by God.
1 Samuel 15:10-11 NLT
The Lord Rejects Saul
10 Then the Lord said to Samuel, 11 “I am sorry that I ever made Saul king, for he has not been loyal to me and has refused to obey my command.”
26 He cut his hair only once a year, and then only because it was so heavy. When he weighed it out, it came to five pounds!
- Apparently many people thought that Absalom’s hair was an asset to his appearance.
Hair was apparently a sign of great manly power.
The mention of Absalom’s heavy hair foreshadows his downfall in 2 Samuel 18:9, where his hair gets caught in a tree, leading to his death.
27 He had three sons and one daughter. His daughter’s name was Tamar, and she was very beautiful.
Absalom had three sons and one daughter. His daughter’s name was Tamar, and she was very beautiful.
- Absalom named his daughter Tamar. Apparently she was named after his sister. This might indicate lingering sorrow over her mistreatment in 2 Samuel 13.
Verse 27 says that Absalom had three sons, but 18:18 says that he had no son to continue his name.
2 Samuel 18:18 NLT
18 During his lifetime, Absalom had built a monument to himself in the King’s Valley, for he said, “I have no son to carry on my name.” He named the monument after himself, and it is known as Absalom’s Monument to this day.
Perhaps his three sons had died in infancy.
28 Absalom lived in Jerusalem for two years, but he never got to see the king.
- Obviously, reconciliation had not taken place between David and Absalom.
Absalom was hurt by this rejection and appealed to Joab for help to resolve this uncomfortable relationship.
Absalom did not sense forgiveness from his father David.
29 Then Absalom sent for Joab to ask him to intercede for him, but Joab refused to come. Absalom sent for him a second time, but again Joab refused to come.
Joab had persuaded David to welcome Absalom back but now he backed off from assisting Absalom further.
- Joab had helped Absalom return to Jerusalem, but he must have realized that David was still unwilling to fully reconcile with his son.
- David continues to struggle with unresolved tensions—his love for his son demanding mercy and his role as king who must uphold justice for Amnon’s murder.
30 So Absalom said to his servants, “Go and set fire to Joab’s barley field, the field next to mine.” So they set his field on fire, as Absalom had commanded.
- For two years, Absalom remains in Jerusalem without seeing David. Frustrated, he sent for Joab twice, but Joab refused to come to see Absalom. Absalom, determined to get Joab’s attention, sets Joab’s barley field on fire.
31 Then Joab came to Absalom at his house and demanded, “Why did your servants set my field on fire?”
Losing his barley field would have been very costly for Joab.
Absalom did what he had to do to get Joab’s attention.
32 And Absalom replied, “Because I wanted you to ask the king why he brought me back from Geshur if he didn’t intend to see me. I might as well have stayed there. Let me see the king; if he finds me guilty of anything, then let him kill me.”
- Absalom got Joab’s attention.
Absalom would have resented David’s treatment of him. Absalom would have felt like a prisoner in Jerusalem.
- Absalom demanded either a full pardon and restoration or death. He was willing to suffer death for his murder of Amnon, or to receive a true pardon, but he felt that the present compromise was unbearable.
- Absalom’s act of burning Joab’s field reveals his ambitious and forceful nature. It foreshadows his later rebellion, showing that he is willing to take extreme measures to get what he wants.
Note: There was no sign of repentance on Absalom’s part.
33 So Joab told the king what Absalom had said. Then at last David summoned Absalom, who came and bowed low before the king, and the king kissed him.
Joab finally agrees to bring Absalom before David.
- Absalom bowing low was a sign of respect.
- David kisses Absalom, symbolizing reconciliation. However, there is no indication of heartfelt repentance or resolution of past issues.
The lack of conversation, hugging or weeping suggests that this was a formal meeting rather than an affectionate reunion.
David’s outward gesture does not address the deeper conflict. This unresolved tension will lead to Absalom’s conspiracy against David in 2 Samuel 15.
By reinstating Absalom, David allows him to gain influence, which will later threaten his reign.
This passage highlights the complexities of forgiveness, unresolved conflict, and the consequences of a lack of true reconciliation. While Absalom is restored to Jerusalem, the estrangement between him and David remains, ultimately leading to further division and tragedy.
2 Samuel 12:10 NLT (Nathan speaking)
10 From this time on, your family will live by the sword because you have despised me by taking Uriah’s wife to be your own.
David’s solution was to compromise. He tried to punish Absalom by keeping him in exile, but not executing him.
Then he allowed him to return to Jerusalem, but not to have fellowship with himself.
Both of these compromises failed and only made the relationship worse.
- God’s solution is to be merciful, to forgive and welcome back warmly.
God forgave David.
2 Samuel 12:13 NLT
David Confesses His Guilt
13 Then David confessed to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.”
Nathan replied, “Yes, but the Lord has forgiven you, and you won’t die for this sin.
God forgave David, but David still faced consequences for his behavior.
Despite these consequences, David’s relationship with God was restored.
David needs to forgive Absalom.
- David needs to be like the father in the parable of the prodigal son.
