The Rape of Tamar
Choices have consequences.
David’s sin with Bathsheba had serious consequences.
2 Samuel 12:10 NLT
10 From this time on, your family will live by the sword because you have despised me by taking Uriah’s wife to be your own.
Trouble within David’s family begins here in 2 Samuel 13:1-22.
The story of Amnon and Tamar is an example dysfunction and suffering within David’s family.
Unchecked sin can destroy families and relationships.
Proverbs 22:6 KJV
6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Where was David when all of this was happening?
Did David teach his son Amnon how he should conduct himself?
2 Samuel 13:1-22 NLT
The Rape of Tamar
13:1 Now David’s son Absalom had a beautiful sister named Tamar. And Amnon, her half brother, fell desperately in love with her. 2 Amnon became so obsessed with Tamar that he became ill. She was a virgin, and Amnon thought he could never have her.
3 But Amnon had a very crafty friend—his cousin Jonadab. He was the son of David’s brother Shimea 4 One day Jonadab said to Amnon, “What’s the trouble? Why should the son of a king look so dejected morning after morning?”
So Amnon told him, “I am in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.”
5 “Well,” Jonadab said, “I’ll tell you what to do. Go back to bed and pretend you are ill. When your father comes to see you, ask him to let Tamar come and prepare some food for you. Tell him you’ll feel better if she prepares it as you watch and feeds you with her own hands.”
6 So Amnon lay down and pretended to be sick. And when the king came to see him, Amnon asked him, “Please let my sister Tamar come and cook my favorite dish as I watch. Then I can eat it from her own hands.” 7 So David agreed and sent Tamar to Amnon’s house to prepare some food for him.
8 When Tamar arrived at Amnon’s house, she went to the place where he was lying down so he could watch her mix some dough. Then she baked his favorite dish for him. 9 But when she set the serving tray before him, he refused to eat. “Everyone get out of here,” Amnon told his servants. So they all left.
10 Then he said to Tamar, “Now bring the food into my bedroom and feed it to me here.” So Tamar took his favorite dish to him. 11 But as she was feeding him, he grabbed her and demanded, “Come to bed with me, my darling sister.”
12 “No, my brother!” she cried. “Don’t be foolish! Don’t do this to me! Such wicked things aren’t done in Israel. 13 Where could I go in my shame? And you would be called one of the greatest fools in Israel. Please, just speak to the king about it, and he will let you marry me.”
14 But Amnon wouldn’t listen to her, and since he was stronger than she was, he raped her. 15 Then suddenly Amnon’s love turned to hate, and he hated her even more than he had loved her. “Get out of here!” he snarled at her.16 “No, no!” Tamar cried. “Sending me away now is worse than what you’ve already done to me.”
But Amnon wouldn’t listen to her. 17 He shouted for his servant and demanded, “Throw this woman out, and lock the door behind her!”
18 So the servant put her out and locked the door behind her. She was wearing a long, beautiful robe, as was the custom in those days for the king’s virgin daughters. 19 But now Tamar tore her robe and put ashes on her head. And then, with her face in her hands, she went away crying.
20 Her brother Absalom saw her and asked, “Is it true that Amnon has been with you? Well, my sister, keep quiet for now, since he’s your brother. Don’t you worry about it.” So Tamar lived as a desolate woman in her brother Absalom’s house.
21 When King David heard what had happened, he was very angry. 22 And though Absalom never spoke to Amnon about this, he hated Amnon deeply because of what he had done to his sister.
Examine the Scriptures
2 Samuel 13:1-22 NLT
The Rape of Tamar
13:1 Now David’s son Absalom had a beautiful sister named Tamar.
Review David’s family tree.
2 Samuel 3:2 NLT
David’s Sons Born in Hebron
2 These are the sons who were born to David in Hebron:
The oldest was Amnon, whose mother was Ahinoam from Jezreel.
And Amnon, her half-brother, fell desperately in love with her.
2 Amnon became so obsessed with Tamar that he became ill.
- Amnon believed that he was desperately in love with his half-sister Tamar.
Discuss lust vs. love.
Amnon’s “love” for Tamar is revealed to be obsessive lust rather than genuine care. His feelings are selfish and focused on gratification rather than respect or commitment.
Amnon is on the fast track to destruction.
Choices have consequences.
Galatians 5:19 NLT
19 When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures… 21… Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.
Amnon will repeat his father’s sin.
She was a virgin, and Amnon thought he could never have her.
- Amnon thought, for good reason, that he could never have Tamar.
A few of these “good reasons” were:
Tamar was recognized by others as the king’s virgin daughter. (Verse 18)
Tamar was aware of the serious consequences of sex outside of marriage. (Verses 12-20)
3 But Amnon had a very crafty friend—his cousin Jonadab.
Crafty here is not a good thing.
Beware of bad counsel and the evil influence of those around you.
Proverbs 13:20 NLT
20 Walk with the wise and become wise;
associate with fools and get in trouble.
Proverbs 12:26 NLT
26 The godly give good advice to their friends;
the wicked lead them astray.
- Stay away from people who encourage wrongdoing.
Wise counsel is essential for making godly decisions.
He was the son of David’s brother Shimea 4 One day Jonadab said to Amnon, “What’s the trouble? Why should the son of a king look so dejected morning after morning?”
So Amnon told him, “I am in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.”
5 “Well,” Jonadab said, “I’ll tell you what to do.
- Jonadab devised a deceptive plan to help Amnon fulfill his desires.
1 Peter 5:8 NLT
8 Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.
Go back to bed and pretend you are ill. When your father comes to see you, ask him to let Tamar come and prepare some food for you. Tell him you’ll feel better if she prepares it as you watch and feeds you with her own hands.”
- Jonadab, Amnon’s cousin gave Amnon the plan by which he was able to rape Tamar.
6 So Amnon lay down and pretended to be sick. And when the king came to see him, Amnon asked him, “Please let my sister Tamar come and cook my favorite dish as I watch. Then I can eat it from her own hands.”
7 So David agreed and sent Tamar to Amnon’s house to prepare some food for him.
What was David thinking?
8 When Tamar arrived at Amnon’s house, she went to the place where he was lying down so he could watch her mix some dough. Then she baked his favorite dish for him. 9 But when she set the serving tray before him, he refused to eat. “Everyone get out of here,” Amnon told his servants. So they all left.
10 Then he said to Tamar, “Now bring the food into my bedroom and feed it to me here.” So Tamar took his favorite dish to him. 11 But as she was feeding him, he grabbed her and demanded, “Come to bed with me, my darling sister.”
12 “No, my brother!” she cried. “Don’t be foolish! Don’t do this to me! Such wicked things aren’t done in Israel.
- Tamar resisted Amnon’s sexual advances.
Scripture supporting Tamar’s comment.
Leviticus 18:9-11 NLT
9 “Do not have sexual relations with your sister or half sister, whether she is your father’s daughter or your mother’s daughter, whether she was born into your household or someone else’s.
10 “Do not have sexual relations with your granddaughter, whether she is your son’s daughter or your daughter’s daughter, for this would violate yourself.
11 “Do not have sexual relations with your stepsister, the daughter of any of your father’s wives, for she is your sister.
Leviticus 20:17 NLT
17 “If a man marries his sister, the daughter of either his father or his mother, and they have sexual relations, it is a shameful disgrace. They must be publicly cut off from the community. Since the man has violated his sister, he will be punished for his sin.
Deuteronomy 27:22 NLT
22 ‘Cursed is anyone who has sexual intercourse with his sister, whether she is the daughter of his father or his mother.’
And all the people will reply, ‘Amen.’
- Marrying half-sisters was a common practice among the surrounding nations.
13 Where could I go in my shame? And you would be called one of the greatest fools in Israel.
- This behavior would have a negative impact on both Tamar and Amnon.
This would jeopardize Amnon’s position as crown prince and heir to the throne.
This behavior would bring shame on Tamar. (more later in this lesson.)
Please, just speak to the king about it, and he will let you marry me.”
- Tamar may have been stalling for time when she suggested that Amnon ask David for permission to marry her.
Surely David would have known the teachings in Leviticus and Deuteronomy and would not support this marriage.
On the other hand David would have known about Genesis 20:12.
Genesis 20:12 – Abraham married his sister. – 12 And she really is my sister, for we both have the same father, but different mothers. And I married her.
14 But Amnon wouldn’t listen to her, and since he was stronger than she was, he raped her.
- Amnon raped Tamar.
15 Then suddenly Amnon’s love turned to hate, and he hated her even more than he had loved her.
In revulsion to what he had done, Amnon now hated Tamar more than he had previously loved her. This indicates that his original feelings had not been love but only lust.
Perhaps some of the hatred that Amnon felt was self-hatred.
- The sudden reversal of Amnon feelings toward Tamar are a real indication that his feelings were never more than sensual desires (lust).
“Get out of here!” he snarled at her.
16 “No, no!” Tamar cried. “Sending me away now is worse than what you’ve already done to me.”
- Ammon should have married Tamar.
Exodus 22:16 NLT
Social Responsibility
16 “If a man seduces a virgin who is not engaged to anyone and has sex with her, he must pay the customary bride price and marry her.
Deuteronomy 22:28-29 NLT
28 “Suppose a man has intercourse with a young woman who is a virgin but is not engaged to be married. If they are discovered, (see verses 20-21) 29 he must pay her father fifty pieces of silver. Then he must marry the young woman because he violated her, and he may never divorce her as long as he lives.
- No longer a virgin, Tamar could not be offered by her father to any other potential husband.
Deuteronomy 22:13-21 NLT
Regulations for Sexual Purity
13 “Suppose a man marries a woman, but after sleeping with her, he turns against her 14 and publicly accuses her of shameful conduct, saying, ‘When I married this woman, I discovered she was not a virgin.’ 15 Then the woman’s father and mother must bring the proof of her virginity to the elders as they hold court at the town gate. 16 Her father must say to them, ‘I gave my daughter to this man to be his wife, and now he has turned against her. 17 He has accused her of shameful conduct, saying, “I discovered that your daughter was not a virgin.” But here is the proof of my daughter’s virginity.’ Then they must spread her bed sheet before the elders. 18 The elders must then take the man and punish him. 19 They must also fine him 100 pieces of silver which he must pay to the woman’s father because he publicly accused a virgin of Israel of shameful conduct. The woman will then remain the man’s wife, and he may never divorce her.
20 “But suppose the man’s accusations are true, and he can show that she was not a virgin. 21 The woman must be taken to the door of her father’s home, and there the men of the town must stone her to death, for she has committed a disgraceful crime in Israel by being promiscuous while living in her parents’ home. In this way, you will purge this evil from among you.
But Amnon wouldn’t listen to her. 17 He shouted for his servant and demanded, “Throw this woman out, and lock the door behind her!”
After the assault, Amnon’s feelings turn to hatred, revealing the hollowness of his lust. This rejection deepens Tamar’s suffering, leaving her not only violated but also humiliated and abandoned. This shift in Amnon’s attitude reflects the corrosive nature of sin and guilt.
18 So the servant put her out and locked the door behind her. She was wearing a long, beautiful robe, as was the custom in those days for the king’s virgin daughters.
- Wearing a long, beautiful robe, was the custom in those days for the king’s virgin daughters.
19 But now Tamar tore her robe and put ashes on her head.
The ashes were symbols of mourning and humility.
The torn robe symbolized the ruin of her life.
And then, with her face in her hands, she went away crying.
Tamar publicly mourns her disgrace, symbolized by her torn robe and ashes on her head. Her actions demonstrate the profound personal and social consequences of sexual violence in her cultural context. The narrative draws attention to the lasting scars of such trauma.
20 Her brother Absalom saw her and asked, “Is it true that Amnon has been with you? Well, my sister, keep quiet for now, since he’s your brother. Don’t you worry about it.”
Absalom urges his sister not to make this matter a public scandal.
So Tamar lived as a desolate woman in her brother Absalom’s house.
Tamar’s brother Absalom takes Tamar into his home.
- Tamar remained “desolate”, a term in Hebrew that means unmarried and childless, which was a living death for a Jewish woman.
21 When King David heard what had happened, he was very angry.
David may have been angry but he did not do anything to punish Amnon.
- David abdicated his responsibilities both as king and as father. This lack of discipline toward his sons eventually led to the death of Amnon and the revolts of Absalom and Adonijah.
22 And though Absalom never spoke to Amnon about this, he hated Amnon deeply because of what he had done to his sister.
Absalom quietly bided his time.
Absalom did take Amnon’s treatment of his sister to heart and will take revenge in our next lesson.
- Absalom hated Amnon deeply because of what he had done to his sister.
